Ahtletic Woman (Toastmaster's Speech #1~Me, Me, Me, Me!)

Harmonica: “toot toot toot toot”....~ Me: "me, me, me, me! "

This is a story about me. An abbreviated story. A 4-6 minute story.

Wow. How do you sum yourself up in 4-6 minutes? Perhaps I should have opened a twitter account to figure out how to truncate 45 years into 600-900 words.

Instead, I took the time to really figure out what I should hone in on as “me”.

I decided I would begin with the objective descriptions of me (not to be confused with objectionable things about me, which would take well over a day). I was born on June 26th, 1965 (making me, for those of you with math difficulties, 45 years old).

I lived internationally with my parents because my dad worked for DOD.

I grew to the ripe old height of 5'2” (not eyes of blue, but brown). I have weighed anywhere from 121 to 172 at my current height. This suggests that I have struggled with weight problems all of my life.

I did actually weigh 192.5 when I gave birth to my two boys, but that doesn't count. It does give you one more hint about me. I am the mother of two boys and am happily married.

I know that these facts are boring and will only take up 20 seconds of this speech, so I venture on with the real subject of this speech....me.

Narcissistic? Probably. Neurotic? No. Necessary? Yes.

After much preponderance and reflection, I came to the conclusion that the “me” I should talk about today is: Laura the “Athletic Woman”.

This is not to be confused with the bionic woman, wonder woman or woman of the year.

Plain and simple. “Athletic Woman”

This label has come up repeatedly in my life of late and I felt this was a perfect time to address this slice of life, para me.

The term, athletic woman, is one that still makes me shutter, chuckle, cringe, and perplex all in one fell swoop. I guess that word would be "shuckinglex".

The reason this is such a strange label for me is because I began life with a very different label.

In elementary school I was the last one picked on the kickball team.

During summers, I hated being on the swim team . The swim coach always shouted at me to go faster....I called him “fuzzy hair head”~it was not a compliment.

Then there was the awful physical education in middle school. That was was where my mom yanked me out of P.E. because the teacher did not give two hoots about the enlarged spleen I had from mono.

Ah.... and then....High School. Every non athletic female's dream. (Sarcasm inserted here). I just LOVED changing in the dressing room. The rolls of “fat” chuckled and buckled around aimlessly. I was the designated “fat cheerleader” at our school. I am sure that the PE teacher found me something of an enigma. This is why I WILL NOT go back to High School reunions “fat”.

So....you can imagine that the label of ”'athletic woman” still comes as a surprise to me.

But, here I am. 5' 2”, 143 pounds, 27% body fat.

I can bench press 120 pounds. I can curl 55 pounds. I can squat 205 pounds. I can deadlift 242 pounds.

Wow.

These stats may be impressive to some, but to me, they are just part of who I am now.

I am strong.

I am a power-lifter. A power-lifter is an athlete who attempts to bench press, squat and dead lift as much weight as possible in a one rep max (1 repetition).

I was recently in a classroom where the teacher talked about everyone's pre-judgement. We all judge, whether we mean to or not.

To prove her point, she held flash cards up with several human descriptions. For example: business man, housewife, and parent. Then, two words flashed up: Athletic Woman.

I am thinking that some people in that room may have even thought of me when they saw that card. Did someone actually utter my name when they described that word? (okay, maybe this is narcissistic)

I've come a long way baby and don't plan to stop anytime soon.

I would like to inspire women everywhere to attempt feats that they consider beyond their ability.

I have seen where I came from and what I can do now and completely believe that ANYONE can become an athletic woman (except a man~and even that is doable now).

Ha! The last one picked on the kickball team could now kick sand in any beach goers face.

I am a late bloomer and proud of it.

It's now time to turn it over to you, you, you, you Mr. Toastmaster

Be Happy Where You Are

I found a wonderful Suzuki Piano teacher for my boys.

She lives right down the street from us and has the patience of Job. Watching her teach my boys has been a fantastic experience filled with pure pleasure and awe.

Every week my oldest child went to his piano lesson and was showered with praise and patience. Soon, my younger son followed. Again, pure inspiration.

One day I asked her if she taught piano to adults, eagerly hoping that she did. I wanted to get on her waiting list.

Fast forward a couple of years. THE day came and I received a phone call that she had an opening! By this time, she and I had become friends and I was ecstatic to be learning from such a masterful teacher and friend.

I remember the first lesson that I had. I sat down in her studio, nervously put my hands on the keys, strongly screwed my right foot into the pedal and Bang, Bang, BANGED out a 4/4 tempo tune.

It was AWFUL. Abysmal. Abominable.

But, there she sat, seemingly impervious to the dreadfulness that exuded from her Steinway Grand Piano.

She patiently pointed things out.

She did not laugh, grimace or roll her eyes with contempt.

She did not lecture.

She just listened with a smile. Ahhhh......bliss.

I found someone who wanted me to progress in my musicality. She was enthusiastically willing to lead my melodic journey.

I worked hard for 6 months.

We began in the “Banging Period”.

We next ventured into the “Over Pedaling Period”. (This era of music was rife with overcompensating to hide bad technique).

Then there was the distinct “Voicing Period”.

Slowly and surely I began to play somewhat musically.

I was accomplishing a dream that I had held since childhood: To play the piano AND to enjoy hearing myself play.

I was able to take the black notes and white pages of my favorite show-tunes and unravel them.

“We” were getting there. “We” were a team!

Every week I would criticize my playing. Often expressing this frustration in onomatopoeia form: “Ssssshhhoooooot.”

Looking back at the self-criticism, I recognize it as frustration; it was always there, nagging at me. A perfect week of practice blown within 2 minutes. Often, I would sit at her piano wondering if she had possibly moved the keys before my arrival.

I wanted to get better and still couldn't quite figure out what was wrong. And then they were spoken....those 5 words that changed EVERYTHING.

She gave me a gift when she said to me what her master teacher had said to her:

“Be Happy Where You Are”.

Wow. That changed Everything.

Everything.


......................and not just my perception of music.

Piano, like most things in life, is a process.

Time and practice make everything work right.

In Piano, muscle memory is key. Being able to read, count, and feel the music is absolutely a major (not to be confused with a minor) key.

Once I learned to be happy where I was, I was able to move on and learn more. I took risks. I was consciously free to grow.

I invested in myself and in my interest.

I took a college level music theory course and learned how to count music.

The music theory class was the foundational knowledge that I was missing.

…..OMG....I remember when this teacher learned, at one of my early lessons, that I didn't know how to count beats. To this day she has no idea how I could read and play music without being able to count. She had a valid point.....

While learning those missing foundational pieces I continued to play and learn from her. Soon, I was playing Beethoven's Sonata; Billy Joel's She's Always a Woman; and my ultimate favorite, Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody.

These were incredible feats for me and I took pride and pleasure that I had accomplished them.

I can now count. I can now voice. I can now feel the music. I am thrilled at my progress. I still get frustrated at my playing, but I always remember, “be happy where you are”.

I now use that phrase in every aspect of my life.

Those 5 little words changed my attitude toward most situations and have brought me ultimate joy.

As a follow up to this story. I began to personal train that piano teacher. She valued my knowledge just as much as I valued hers. One day, after a session, she said to me, “you are such a good teacher, you are so patient and really seem to understand me”.

I was ecstatic.

I realize that she had, without realizing it, taught me how to teach.

She taught me to be patient and kind. She taught me to teach others. She modeled the perfect teacher for me.

With a beaming smile on my face, I realized that we had come full circle.

To you Mrs. Hunter, I tip my hat!

Outta My Way Old Man.....I gotta Pee

It was a dark and stormy night.

A knock echoed through the forest. Knock Knock Knock.

Our Hero lurched to the door to open it....

Two women, one fidgeting, and one man stood there.

One woman spoke~

“Outta my way, old man, I gotta pee”.

Those words helped me develop one of the best relationships of my life. That relationship just keeps giving and giving and has made me feel happiness and contentedness for many many years.

Huh? Huh. Huh!

Those were the first words I uttered to my first (I mean current) husband.

To set the scene a little better, we met at a ski house owned by mutual friends.

My friends and I drove to the Pocono mountains from Virginia one evening after work. We arrived in a very remote “neighborhood” in search of Dave and Dina's house.

Did I mention that it was VERY late and it was a REALLY DARK night.

I was driving and couldn't see any house numbers. We circled around a long while before I finally pulled up to a house that I thought was theirs.

I had to wiz (not the cheese variety) so badly that I told my friends in the car that I was going to knock on THAT door . I was going to tell whoever answered the door that I needed a rest stop.

I knocked.

A stranger answered....not Dave....not Dina. I noticed that he was tall and had graying hair around the temples (not to be confused with a roman iconoclastic temple or Shirley Temple for that matter).

I had no idea if I was even close to their home....I did not care.

“Outta my way, old man, I gotta pee.” THE most important thing to me in that moment was depleting my bladder of too many soft drinks.

What came out of my mouth was truly me and my thoughts. Those thoughts came outta my mouth without filter or concern about what Hero thought.

That Hero was my future husband. That early encounter set the tone for our relationship. I was ME. The entire weekend, I was me. I participated in a frat boy belching contest (which I won. I laughed about completely inappropriate jokes that I told. I did it all. I never changed to be who I thought I should be around this Hero from Ohio.

When you are with people and you are being YOU, it feels natural. It is invigorating. It creates energy. Conversely, when you are in a situation where you have to be the “pretend you”, it feels awful. It is draining.

Who likes going to a formal event to pander to the grand-poo-bahs? Not me... I HATE IT. I hate it so much, that I fall apart inside and get anxious and evil.

Although there is a time and a place for small talk full of civility and boring information, I make these occasions a small slice of my life. I meet people in these scenarios only when it is necessary.

Your friends, spouse, and boss impact a significant portion of your existence. Not being true to yourself, when around people that take up a large part of your life, usually ends in disaster....for YOUR soul.

Be yourself~BE CASUAL~in these situations. Upon meeting a friend, a date or when job interviewing, be authentic.

Pretending to be somebody that you aren't will drain your energy. Upon meeting someone, you are establishing a relationship in which you will always have to be that projected avatar with that person. Trying to maintain that pseudo-self will take you away from your core values and your true Self.

Eventually the energy used to project that false you will drain you. That drain bleeds into most areas of your life and you are generally left unhappy and an empty shell of who you used to be. You will probably be confused in all other areas because you won't even know or remember who "you" are anymore.

Are you really okay living up to the ideals of someone else or their vision of perfection? Can you sustain that? Do you want to sustain that?

I think that it is better to be without “those” friends, spouses and/or bosses that expect you to be someone that you are not.

So, my advice is this: Spare Yourself Unhappiness.

.............by.............

Remembering this important rule: It is none of your business what other people think of you.

Understand that some people will not like you...the real you.

Please believe that it really is okay that you don't float some people's boat. Those people would make you miserable if you allowed them into your LIFE~boat....they'd bring your ship down faster than you can say Titanic.

It is difficult to say whether people like you for being you or like you for not being someone else.

It really doesn't matter the why someone likes you or not or whether they like you or not.

Get in touch with your core values and find friends that share them. Don't sacrifice happiness by being someone you aren't. Those who like YOU for YOU will make you happy.

Always be True to Yourself and your Best Will Follow.

Now, I need to stop typing, 'cause I gotta pee!

C.Q. (not to be confused with D.Q.)

I am sure that you have heard of I.Q.

Intelligence Quotient.

Most of you have also heard of G.Q.

Gentleman's Quarterly.

Many of you have eaten at D.Q. ******

Dairy Queen.

What do you know of C.Q. ?

Probably nothing.

Creativity Quotient. It is a term that was pointed out to me by a good friend. It was an article in the New York Times.

I googled C.Q. to see if the term is “out there”. It isn't.

The writer of the article, Patricia Cohen, has coined the term. You can find the article here: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/08/books/08creative.html?ref=science

I love this article. It explains a lot.

Often, it seems that C.Q. is the lesser regarded distant red headed cousin of I.Q.

C.Q. is not talked about much.....because..... well, you know (said in hushed tones).......

I am a BIG believer that the sciences are VERY important. I think that “practical work” generally brings home the bacon more than creative ventures.

I also believe that creativity is the spice of life. The life of the party. Fun.

I mean, really, how many times do you sit around as a tinker, tailor, soldier, accountant and belly laugh about debits/credits, anatomy or a hard tack to starboard?

CREATIVITY....it enhances life.

The creativity inside of you can enhance your own life and the life of others when you ask it to come out and play.

If you truly have no creativity inside of you, you can go to a book store and buy creativity for about $20. Alternatively, you can go to a movie for about $10. If you prefer a solitude moment of creativity, buy a coloring book and crayons (hell, go for the sparkly Barbie ones). Color OUTSIDE of the lines! Free yourself of convention.

Wake the C.Q. within. Do this in any manner required to tap into that original genius. Once you embark on the creative path, your creativity will resonate and GROW.

It's time to get fanciful and imaginative......bestow interest to your life! Attempt to get in touch with this inventive side and share it with others.

No more ho-hum, hi -ho, or ho-ho life.

You are now free to live and color outside your box.

Sit back, imagine and Enjoy!


****unless, of course, as your trainer and nutrition consultant I have advised against it.

Encourage

I was given a gift this weekend.

Not once but twice.

I attended two dinner parties one day apart.

A friend of mine said something that may alter the course of my being.

How powerful.

She had read my latest blog, Zebras, and had told me several times how much she enjoyed reading it.

I thought that she was being nice.

But, two days in a row at these dinner parties, she once again applauded my story.

And then....she said it......

“I think that you should write a book.”

That was stated on Saturday evening. I do not believe that there was much alcohol involved in this comment. I was sipping on Perrier and she appeared perfectly sober.

“I think that you have a story there and it should be told....you should write a book.”

That was articulated on Sunday evening. I was drinking this time but she still seemed completely un-inibriated.

I suppose that it could have been one of those passing things that people say at dinner parties.

I don't think that it was.

I am not sure how I know but I feel certain that she was serious.

She was sincere.

She really liked my “voice”.

The beauty of her words are how they touched me.

They encouraged me.

This wonderful woman is a professional who is highly regarded in her field. She is a gentle and private soul. I have always respected her and have stood back in awe at what she has accomplished in both family and career arenas. She is VERY intelligent and has seen a lot of the world.

AND....she liked MY voice.

Wow.

I have been told before that I should write. I have been told this by friends who I make laugh. They think I have a lot to offer the world because they think so highly of me. They think that I can share my ideas and make others laugh.

Their belief in me is pleasing....but, I was still positive that they only saw me through their fruit stripes (***) colored glasses.

This encouragement was different. This was more objective.

This encouragement invigorates me.

This encouragement has me contemplating a careless run in the writing field.

The writing field full of glorious modern day writers like David Baldacci (I used to see him~my touch with fame~ when I worked at UPC), John Grisham, and Nicholas Sparks. Oh, to write alongside the likes of Dana Mallon, Marie Keith, Leslie Morrissette, Michelle Kelley and Marianne Hobart.....would be a pure honor and pleasure.

All of these writers can spin a tale and weave stories leaving their readers spellbound. They write long and intricate stories. Stories that leave me hanging on the edge of my seat or crying in my favorite chair.

Me?

An attention deficit mom/trainer (squirrel) who can only write about 2-3 pages before the idea goes Ka-put.

A person who feels everything when they write.......and when the idea loses steam, so do they?

Me? Writing alongside them?

But, this woman obviously thinks so.....
…............................................................. and now...

…................................................................................SO DO I.

What is my objective in writing?

To write the simple things in my mind. To write about ideas that I feel passionate about. To write about things that seem so obvious to me. To write to entertain myself. To give myself energy through laughter.

I write about my epiphanies that make me happy. I write to focus and to share my views with the hope that they might make someone smile or find an answer or see things in a different light-heartedness.

Now, somebody else sees my objective. They are encouraging me to continue to entertain others and help others entertain new ideas through writing.

Encouragement: It is important to say positive things to people . Something good that you see in them. You never know where it might lead or in what way their lives might change when you utter encouraging words to them.

Thank you, Karol, for believing in me.

You changed my view of myself....

….................changed my view for the better.

..........................You gave me the gift of encouragement.


***see zebras posting, August 2010.

Zebras

Advice to medical students: When you hear hoof beats...... .think horses......not zebras.

Ladies and Gentlemen, We Have A Zebra!

Per Wikipedia, “Zebra is a medical slang term [coined by Dr Theodore Woodward] for a surprising diagnosis. Although rare diseases are, in general, surprising when they are encountered, other diseases can be surprising in a particular person and time, and so "zebra" is the broader concept.”

My life is full of zebras.

I just received information from a client that she felt bloated on my recommended non-inflammatory diet. This diet was recommended by my coaching mentor so I posted the question of bloat on the business forum.

Energetic, smart, and professional, my mentor responded immediately. She took a lot of time and thought to write out what she thought could be the cause of my client's bloat.

What caught my attention wasn't so much what she thought the problem might be as the premise under which she made the suggestion to help my client.

Her recommendations were based on the premise that 90% of clients will respond positively to the recommended nutritional fat loss protocol and 10% are outside of this protocol. Of those 10% an even smaller group could be...[insert very educational but unimportant to the average reader prognosis].

Bam!

And then it hit me.

This client is a zebra. COOL.

Most of my friends and clients are zebras.

Wikipedia declares that the name "zebra" comes from the Old Portuguese word zevra which means "wild ass". Hmmm...I am wiling to venture that most (if not all) of my very close friends are wild asses.

Zebra is prounouced “Zee-Bra” and could be used as follows: A french person would say-Please pass zee bra, I am not perky today.

Back on task....back on task....back on task.....

I seem to be a magnet for this type of person.

I spread my own zebra energy out there and the law of attraction brings them right back to me.

I have the priviledge and honor to know this minority of the population.

They are the rare and unique pearls in the ocean of humanity.

However, being a landlubber, I will go back to using a more terra firma theme to describe what these equids mean to me.

When others meet my friends they probably ask themselves, “Huh. Is this a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes?”

I have an answer for those people. My friends are neither black or white. These friends are are more like Yipes.

'Memba him?

That's right he's the Fruit Stripes mascot.


When I meet a new friend or client, I say to myself, “Hello new friend. Are you a wild cherry, lemon, lime, or orange stick? "

If they gallop away in fear, they are a horse.

If they stay because they are intrigued they are a zebra.

Life is never boring when you look at people that you meet through fruit stripes glasses.

My friends and clients do not meet convention. They are ethereal. They enhance my life.

To this day when I see that gum pack in the store I begin to salivate in excess of Pavlov's dogs.

Although fruit stripes is not a long lasting flavor gum, to me, the flavor of my friends and who they are last a long, long, long time. It is because of them and their lingering personalities that I am the (fantastic) person that I am. Everyone of them has enhanced my life in some way. This occurs every time I meet them, talk to them or email them.

I would actually suggest this one step further....

I don't have friends that are zebras.....they are better than that.

My friends and the clients that I attract are the unicorns of the universe. They are the the rarest of the rare. They are so unique and wonderful.

Advice to Non-Medical Personnel ISO friends: When you hear hoof beats, look for the zebra....

(added bonus zebra's have mohawks and you can't get much cooler than that!!!)

To Motivate (Part 2)

Perhaps , I can motivate you to empower yourself to live a healthy life.

Perhaps, I can convince you that proper nutrition and exercise are the choices you can and should make to make your life richer and better.

Perhaps I can do this without sounding preachy, peachy or over the top perky.

What we eat is probably the one thing in our crazy hectic life we can control. Yet, it is the one thing that we often feel the least amount of control over.

To better help you, here is what I can tell you about nutrition and exercise:

Food is fuel for your body. Nothing more. Fuel to sleep, sit, drive, digest, do laundry. Fuel to live your life normally. It is not about calming nerves, feeling loved, or creating happiness.

Exercise is what your body needs to remain young. I am not just talking about Ponce de Leon's vision of youth (though, exercise will actually make you look younger too). What I am saying is that you need to build/regain/maintain strength just to do ordinary things. As we age, our bodies break down and we need strength exercises more than ever just to maintain the quality of life we had in our 20's, 30's, 40's, 60's (name your decade) and beyond. Many 50, 60, 70 + year old's cannot even do their own laundry because they can't bend over and pick up the dirty clothes in their hamper.

15 years ago people “hit the gym” to supplement their lifestyle of exercise.

Back then, people mowed their own lawns, cleaned their own homes, played sports. Often in those days, commutes were not as long, so people didn't spend hours in the car driving to work or shuffling kids around. They didn't sit all day in front of a computer. They simply moved more.

At that time, those gym goers were the buff men or aerobic queens. Those gym goers were intimidating to many people who thought “oh, no, I can't sweat to the oldies” or “keep up with Ms. Fonda” or look like “Ahhh-nold”.

Guess What? The gym is not filled with those people anymore. Filled....filled....filled. Those gym goers are still around, but they are not the majority of gym goers that I see.

Today's gym is filled with more varieties of people than Heinz 57.

I am going to tell you the types of people that I see in gyms every day. It may sound like I am criticizing these people. But, I am not. I am applauding them and pointing them out to you so that YOU have a level of comfort stepping into a gym.

The people that I see filling the gym are the average Joe's and Josephina's. They are people with more than 15 lbs to lose. Many times, much more weight than that. Most of that excess weight is fat.

Average gym goers now are upper crossed and overweight.

I am not talking about a Catholic OCD sign of the cross here. This means that their shoulders are rounded inward. (HMMM...could this be from driving, computering, sitting all day?).

Average gym goers have glute amnesia.

I am not referring to “where the hell is my ass.....I haven't seen it all day”. ******** I am referring to the fact that they sit most of the day all the while tightening their hip flexors and stretching their glute muscles. Because of this, many people have no idea how to fire their backsides.....********

But, they are there, trying to get their lives back. Taking control of their bodies day by day. Oh, dear Lord, three things they weigh, way, whey. They weigh their bodies, they way their lifestyles and they eat whey to supplement muscle growth.

Weigh. What woman doesn't do this at least at some point in their lives? Men too. The scale can be a nightmare. A wake up call from that nightmare. OMG-I weigh how much?

Way. If you step back and really look at yourself now, do you like what you see? In what Way can you change your life? By stepping back and talking stock, it probably isn't what you imagined seeing. It is probably distasteful. But, with proper nutrition and movement, you can achieve a lifestyle that is leaps and bounds beyond where you are now. A rich and fulfilling life.

Whey. It isn't just for little miss muffit any more. It is a protein. Average people in the gym are eating it to achieve muscle tone and health. It is a great source of after workout nutrition. Protein (whey and the like) and unprocessed carbs need to be part of your everyday life.

I want YOU to move forward in a healthy lifestyle. I want to teach you how to do this. Nutrition and exercise are the way to get yourself back. Get back to where you once belonged.

You know that “you” are in there. I would like to help to lead you there. I would like to motivate you. I want you to feel comfortable with where you are now and confident to move forward to where you want to be.

I am grown up (okay, no I am not) and am living my dream of helping others reach their potential. How may I help you?

Feel free to fan my new Facebook business page, MuffinToppledtm. I cross-reference this blog on there and fill it with nutrition/exercise/motivation whenever the free-spirit moves me.

**************for more funny stories about backsides and what their potential is, please see my good friend, Leslie Morrisette's two blogs under: Becoming Me, Upside Down.

To Motivate

When I grow up I want to motivate people.

I want people to feel good about themselves.

I want them to want to do the right thing.

Doing the right thing makes people feel good about themselves.

I didn't want to use the same pedestrian word “motivate” repeatedly, so I looked up words that are synonymous with motivate.

One word that instantly leaped out at me was “GOAD”.

Holy Cow.

Is the line that fine between motivating and goading?

For those hating diet and exercise, yes.

In fact, the line probably isn't fine.... it's CAPPED, BOLDED, and ITALISIZED.

People pushed into dieting and exercise are GOADED. I am sure of it.

Working with the idea that all (wo)men are created equally and will work for the better good of themselves, most people eat crap because they want to eat crap.

Processed foods feel comfortable and can make us feel good in the moment. But, oh, the havoc those processed carbs wreak on our body. This has been shown time and time again through much research that is published in many reliable “diet” books.

Unfortunately, we often still make the choice to eat the junque. Yes, "WE" includes me.

Junk food junky. 'Memba that song?

One Mrs. Natural's junque is a junk food junkies treasure. Fritos, Dr. Pepper and an Ole Moon Pie.

It really isn't worth eating that stuff. It is bad for your heart, your brain, your cells.

Yet, people feel goaded when told to stop eating that “fun” stuff.

Further fitness goading includes forcing the goadee to take a trip to the (much despised) gym.

What do some people hate about “The Gym”?

That it is a meat market?
That men (and women) grunt?
That people are healthy and fit?
That there is intimidating scary equipment?

That they feel too "fat" to go?

Perhaps people just don't like to huff and puff even if they are blowing their own house down.

Pushing the body to do as much as it can or even more than we thought that we could. YUK!!

Right?

Nope, wrong!

Eventually, it is Empowering, Emancipating, and Em”body”ing.

This blog will be continued....But Not Today.......

To Be (“fat”), or Not to Be (“fat”), That is the Question

After showing friend my “fat” photos vs. my “skinny” photos I heard the words, “you weren't fat”. She suggested that I be more sensitive to reality.

Crushed I was. (not to be confused with a Yoda saying).

Phoenix I am.

I have risen from the rubble and shaken off the ash.

I have had an epiphany. I would like to share this epiphany with you.

There is a technical definition of obesity. That definition is this: when your BMI is greater than 30, you are obese.

Okay, I was, at my max, 40 lbs overweight. My highest weight was 168 at my 5' 2 and a half “ frame. My BMI was 30.2. That means that I have technically been obese several times in my life. Although most of my life has been spent in the “overweight” or “normal” BMI zone, it is the obesity zone that I am going to hone in on.

I was not a 1x. I was not a 2x. But, I felt like one.

I assure you, people treated me differently. I was never included as part of the “in” crowd. I was fatty fatty two-by-four feeling aw-ful to the core.

Could I have been wrong? Could it be that I treated myself differently?

There are definite physiological health risks associated with obesity. The CDC sites coronary heart disease, type 2 diabetes, cancers (endometrial, breast and colon), hypertension, dyslipidemia, stroke, liver and gallbladder disease, sleep apnea and respiratory problems, osteoarthritis, and gynecological problems as health consequences for the overweight or obese. Now THAT is depressing and eye opening. That isn't the crux of my message.

I think that the psychology behind obesity is really what I am trying to point out. I am not a psychologist, don't have time to play one on t.v. and don't have time to add that to my repertoire of degrees and certifications. However, I am pretty sure that I suffer from dysmorphia. What? Is this in any way related to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Is is contagious? Nope. It simply means that I don't have a “valid” image of my body.

At times, I honestly see myself as a lumbering lard life-form.

Aha! Here comes the epiphany.

Even if you are not “technically obese”, your perception of yourself as a “fat”/obese/overweight/[insert YOUR opinion here] is valid to you. So, regardless of whether I have been 40 or 400 pounds overweight, the feelings that I would have at either weight are the same. In my opinion, a person in either weight category can share the same self image. Well ( sarcastic tone intact) that's just not healthy, is it?

I have often joked, when I have been thin, that deep inside there is a “fat” person trying to escape.

This is true. I will always have a fat complex shackled to me; clamped down with extra spikes. When I looked that reference up I found a treasure trove of symbolism. So rich, in fact, that it is worth going off task here.....

Ball and Chain. Flail. Middle -Ages. Now, what do those things have in common? A Flail is a weapon commonly attributed to the Middle-Ages sometimes referred to as a ball and chain. Here the the connection to my perceived weight image. I personally flail about like an idiot proclaiming, in my middle-age, that my obesity image of myself is like a ball and chain permanently attached to my psyche.
Huh. Huh? Huh!

I am okay with this perception of myself, even when others are not on board.

For me, this perception is the motivator which keeps my weight under control . It motivates me to eat moderately careful and perform specific exercise geared toward a healthy ratio of lean body mass. I do need to keep this self image in check and make sure I don't feel any of these feelings in extreme which could lead to anorexia, bulimia or over-training. For the most part ,this crazy “obesasaurus” self image gives me the constitution to exercise and eat nutritionally.

I should start a club.

The obesasaurus club.

I am sure that a lot of women would join. I am guessing that they would range in size from size 4 (my current size) way up to 1x and beyond. There would be a weighting list because there are too many women out there with this crazy warped self-image.

I do have one final note.

Although converse of a statement is often not true, I believe that the converse here is true.

Physiologically being obese is associated with health risks. That is an undeniable fact .

Psychologically obesity may be real or perceived. If you behold yourself as thin and hot then I stand up and applaud you! I envy you, because, you ARE thin and sexy even if you are technically obese. I strive for your confidence and self-assurance.

Judge as you may. People treat 40 lbs or 400 lbs overweight the same. I feel that people should believe me when I say, I was “fat”.

If you don't feel thin, no matter what your weight, I understand.

Love Thighself

I have “done” many diets in my life of looking for my personal skinny body.

I never found my “skinny body”.

I am either an endomorph.....

..........................or a mesomorph....

............................................but, for sure, I am not an ectomorph.

Such is life.

Have you ever noticed that the grass is greener for many people? In body image lingo, that would be the ass Is leaner.

In life, curly haired people generally buy a hair straightener and straight haired people buy a curling iron. For some reason, many people want what they don't have.

If I had one wish for you, it is this: Accept Yourself for Who You Are.

I found that, for me, once I let go of the idea that I wasn't going to look like Olive Oil, I was happier with myself.

The point is this: For every negative quality we have, there is a corresponding positive attribute.

For example, I was born with the largest ever calves and thighs. It looks like I was bitten by the tsetse fly.

When I was two, my mom's cousin used to converse with my mom about my legs. I still remember when I saw him 26 years later at my wedding. He couldn't believe that it was me in that wedding gown....had I grown that much? I swore that it was me and raised my wedding gown displaying my legs. “Yep. It's you, alright” he said.

We laughed.

My legs and the way they look are still something that I need to accept.

Guess What? (Here comes the “good over evil” part).....Corresponding with those hideous pegs comes STRENGTH.

I am incredibly strong.

Now, would I trade that strength for skinny nice legs?....at this stage in my life, I would say “yes”, I would rather have “hot legs” over gargantuan pillars of strength....BUT.....It Is What It Is.

The beauty of my beast is that I look cool at power-lifting competitions!

Having big calves was totally uncool when I was growing up. All I knew was that I was different and it felt awful.

I always looked at others girl's gams with green eyes. I always felt “fat”, inferior, and unglamorous.

But, I wasn't fat! I was “stocky”. At that time, I had no idea what that meant, but now I do. I know that most people that are built like me (little brick shit house) are strong.

Even famous sport/celebrity people have issues with their body parts. Look at Tiger Woods (who is in a heap o' trouble while I am writing this). It is reported that he hates his smaller calves. He wishes that they were bigger. I'd trade him any day. His legs are more shapely than mine and would probably look better in heels.

To this day I hate to go shopping.

Trying to get my small waist and large legs into the same size pants is nearly impossible.

I don't know who designers design for. I am guessing stick figures. You know, the ones that you drew in elementary school. They certainly do not design for someone built like me.

This theory, that I call Mlaabats bias (“my legs are as big as tree stumps but I am strong”)can be used in many areas in your life.

Let's look at other undesirable attributes and apply this theory. I'll spell my undesirables out since I am the most familiar with them.

I have something like ADD, executive function disorder, closet eating habits, and procrastination. These are probably my worst attributes (besides my legs). These are all self-diagnosed ailments, so therapists cannot shred my diagnosis.....it is how I perceive myself.

Looking at my ADD is a great example of good and bad in the same demon trait. ADD allows me to focus like a gerbil on crack. I can't focus, pay attention, keep going with a project... oh look, there is a squirrel in the yard.

I think that I have struggled with this issue all of my life. As I grew up and angered my mom with my terrible grades I learned how to compensate. I still compensate.

But, that same ADD that has and continues to cause such strife does have a lot of positives. I can jump from one conclusion to the next and access trivial crap in my mind to bring two or more totally unrelated topics together.

Guess what? That ability makes me funnee.....and people perceive me as smart.

My ADD is both a blessing and a curse. I choose to see it as a blessing.

And So Like the Magnets on Your Refrigerator***, Find the Balance of your good and bad and stick with Loving Thighself.





***We all have a negative attribute and a corresponding positive attribute.

Better never Bitter

Better

never

Bitter

One created from good cheer

The other from repulsive fear

and "tomorrow" finally came.....

If I were to highlight the jobs of which I am most proud, they would be:



1) Stay at Home Mom, Inc.



2) Fitness Coach

and

3) School Volunteer



This is not because I am or was adverse to making moola. It is because I felt energized and passionate about how important those roles are and were to so many.



My bright and energized future will include giving my children opportunities to become critical thinkers who are self aware. The act of critical thought combined with self awareness should make for a nice contribution to society. This job is my number one priority.



My "free time" will be spent finding a way to create positive energy for myself and others through teaching and coaching fitness. This simply means that when I teach a person one hour of something fitness oriented, they will gain back many hours in energy



If I can make a positive impact in someone's life today, then I am doing my job right!

My "Her"story

As I venture further into my new (it's a wonderful) life, I think that it is important to reflect on the past and who I have been.

I recently prepared a resume for approval into the Cosgrove Mentorship in California.

What. A resume? I had not prepared one of those since the mid-90's . That would be the 19- not 18-90's, but that is not important right now.

This task allowed me to have an objective (not to be confused with objectionable) look at my life.

A rig a jig jig and away we go:

Education:

B.S. Accounting, George Mason University, August 1988

Certified Personal Trainer, National Personal Training Institute, Inc., April 2009

Certified Nutrition Consultant, National Personal Training Institute, Inc., April 2009

Work Experience:

Grant Thornton August 1988-March 1990 Auditor

United Psychiatric Corporation March 1990-November 1994 Assistant Controller

Arlington Hospital November 1994-June 1996 Accountant

Laura Clancy, Stay at Home Mom, Inc. March 1997-Present CEO of two wonderful boys.

School Volunteer September 2002-Present Co-Chairman for two school auctions (net profit of $35,000 and $45,000), parent's play actor and Dimes for Drama co-chair

H&R Block January 2004-April 2005 Tax Preparer

National Personal Training Institute, Inc. February 2009-April 2010 Office assistant

Fitness Coach

Present to Future('s so bright i gotta wear shades)
Specializing in helping clients achieve goals beyond their expectations
Member of the prestigious Cosgrove coaching group

Highlighted thoughts to follow........Tomorrow (is another day).....

Core Values

(i have been) Reflecting and Deciding what is important to me.

What I want is financial security without compromising my CORE VALUES.

I want to do ENERGIZING Tasks and not do draining tasks.

I am intent on being smart enough to know the difference between energizing and draining.

I am intent on being brave enough to always take the energizing road.

Who I am and my CORE VALUES:

Laughter

Respect

Awe

Inspiration

Gravitation

Knowledge

Honesty

Action not Words

Confidence without Arrogance

Sharp

Witty

Loyal

Mutual Respect

Trust

UNIQUENESS

Rapture (never to be confused with Rupture)

Rapture not Rupture in ALL things.

One is Estatic Joy

the other

A Destructive Ploy.

Today (Not to Be Confused with Tomorrow)

Today I made a big change. I took the time to come out "here" and blog.

Tomorrow I will have one day of experience in blogging.

Those are the primary differences in the two days, but that's not important right now.