Outta My Way Old Man.....I gotta Pee

It was a dark and stormy night.

A knock echoed through the forest. Knock Knock Knock.

Our Hero lurched to the door to open it....

Two women, one fidgeting, and one man stood there.

One woman spoke~

“Outta my way, old man, I gotta pee”.

Those words helped me develop one of the best relationships of my life. That relationship just keeps giving and giving and has made me feel happiness and contentedness for many many years.

Huh? Huh. Huh!

Those were the first words I uttered to my first (I mean current) husband.

To set the scene a little better, we met at a ski house owned by mutual friends.

My friends and I drove to the Pocono mountains from Virginia one evening after work. We arrived in a very remote “neighborhood” in search of Dave and Dina's house.

Did I mention that it was VERY late and it was a REALLY DARK night.

I was driving and couldn't see any house numbers. We circled around a long while before I finally pulled up to a house that I thought was theirs.

I had to wiz (not the cheese variety) so badly that I told my friends in the car that I was going to knock on THAT door . I was going to tell whoever answered the door that I needed a rest stop.

I knocked.

A stranger answered....not Dave....not Dina. I noticed that he was tall and had graying hair around the temples (not to be confused with a roman iconoclastic temple or Shirley Temple for that matter).

I had no idea if I was even close to their home....I did not care.

“Outta my way, old man, I gotta pee.” THE most important thing to me in that moment was depleting my bladder of too many soft drinks.

What came out of my mouth was truly me and my thoughts. Those thoughts came outta my mouth without filter or concern about what Hero thought.

That Hero was my future husband. That early encounter set the tone for our relationship. I was ME. The entire weekend, I was me. I participated in a frat boy belching contest (which I won. I laughed about completely inappropriate jokes that I told. I did it all. I never changed to be who I thought I should be around this Hero from Ohio.

When you are with people and you are being YOU, it feels natural. It is invigorating. It creates energy. Conversely, when you are in a situation where you have to be the “pretend you”, it feels awful. It is draining.

Who likes going to a formal event to pander to the grand-poo-bahs? Not me... I HATE IT. I hate it so much, that I fall apart inside and get anxious and evil.

Although there is a time and a place for small talk full of civility and boring information, I make these occasions a small slice of my life. I meet people in these scenarios only when it is necessary.

Your friends, spouse, and boss impact a significant portion of your existence. Not being true to yourself, when around people that take up a large part of your life, usually ends in disaster....for YOUR soul.

Be yourself~BE CASUAL~in these situations. Upon meeting a friend, a date or when job interviewing, be authentic.

Pretending to be somebody that you aren't will drain your energy. Upon meeting someone, you are establishing a relationship in which you will always have to be that projected avatar with that person. Trying to maintain that pseudo-self will take you away from your core values and your true Self.

Eventually the energy used to project that false you will drain you. That drain bleeds into most areas of your life and you are generally left unhappy and an empty shell of who you used to be. You will probably be confused in all other areas because you won't even know or remember who "you" are anymore.

Are you really okay living up to the ideals of someone else or their vision of perfection? Can you sustain that? Do you want to sustain that?

I think that it is better to be without “those” friends, spouses and/or bosses that expect you to be someone that you are not.

So, my advice is this: Spare Yourself Unhappiness.

.............by.............

Remembering this important rule: It is none of your business what other people think of you.

Understand that some people will not like you...the real you.

Please believe that it really is okay that you don't float some people's boat. Those people would make you miserable if you allowed them into your LIFE~boat....they'd bring your ship down faster than you can say Titanic.

It is difficult to say whether people like you for being you or like you for not being someone else.

It really doesn't matter the why someone likes you or not or whether they like you or not.

Get in touch with your core values and find friends that share them. Don't sacrifice happiness by being someone you aren't. Those who like YOU for YOU will make you happy.

Always be True to Yourself and your Best Will Follow.

Now, I need to stop typing, 'cause I gotta pee!

C.Q. (not to be confused with D.Q.)

I am sure that you have heard of I.Q.

Intelligence Quotient.

Most of you have also heard of G.Q.

Gentleman's Quarterly.

Many of you have eaten at D.Q. ******

Dairy Queen.

What do you know of C.Q. ?

Probably nothing.

Creativity Quotient. It is a term that was pointed out to me by a good friend. It was an article in the New York Times.

I googled C.Q. to see if the term is “out there”. It isn't.

The writer of the article, Patricia Cohen, has coined the term. You can find the article here: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/08/books/08creative.html?ref=science

I love this article. It explains a lot.

Often, it seems that C.Q. is the lesser regarded distant red headed cousin of I.Q.

C.Q. is not talked about much.....because..... well, you know (said in hushed tones).......

I am a BIG believer that the sciences are VERY important. I think that “practical work” generally brings home the bacon more than creative ventures.

I also believe that creativity is the spice of life. The life of the party. Fun.

I mean, really, how many times do you sit around as a tinker, tailor, soldier, accountant and belly laugh about debits/credits, anatomy or a hard tack to starboard?

CREATIVITY....it enhances life.

The creativity inside of you can enhance your own life and the life of others when you ask it to come out and play.

If you truly have no creativity inside of you, you can go to a book store and buy creativity for about $20. Alternatively, you can go to a movie for about $10. If you prefer a solitude moment of creativity, buy a coloring book and crayons (hell, go for the sparkly Barbie ones). Color OUTSIDE of the lines! Free yourself of convention.

Wake the C.Q. within. Do this in any manner required to tap into that original genius. Once you embark on the creative path, your creativity will resonate and GROW.

It's time to get fanciful and imaginative......bestow interest to your life! Attempt to get in touch with this inventive side and share it with others.

No more ho-hum, hi -ho, or ho-ho life.

You are now free to live and color outside your box.

Sit back, imagine and Enjoy!


****unless, of course, as your trainer and nutrition consultant I have advised against it.

Encourage

I was given a gift this weekend.

Not once but twice.

I attended two dinner parties one day apart.

A friend of mine said something that may alter the course of my being.

How powerful.

She had read my latest blog, Zebras, and had told me several times how much she enjoyed reading it.

I thought that she was being nice.

But, two days in a row at these dinner parties, she once again applauded my story.

And then....she said it......

“I think that you should write a book.”

That was stated on Saturday evening. I do not believe that there was much alcohol involved in this comment. I was sipping on Perrier and she appeared perfectly sober.

“I think that you have a story there and it should be told....you should write a book.”

That was articulated on Sunday evening. I was drinking this time but she still seemed completely un-inibriated.

I suppose that it could have been one of those passing things that people say at dinner parties.

I don't think that it was.

I am not sure how I know but I feel certain that she was serious.

She was sincere.

She really liked my “voice”.

The beauty of her words are how they touched me.

They encouraged me.

This wonderful woman is a professional who is highly regarded in her field. She is a gentle and private soul. I have always respected her and have stood back in awe at what she has accomplished in both family and career arenas. She is VERY intelligent and has seen a lot of the world.

AND....she liked MY voice.

Wow.

I have been told before that I should write. I have been told this by friends who I make laugh. They think I have a lot to offer the world because they think so highly of me. They think that I can share my ideas and make others laugh.

Their belief in me is pleasing....but, I was still positive that they only saw me through their fruit stripes (***) colored glasses.

This encouragement was different. This was more objective.

This encouragement invigorates me.

This encouragement has me contemplating a careless run in the writing field.

The writing field full of glorious modern day writers like David Baldacci (I used to see him~my touch with fame~ when I worked at UPC), John Grisham, and Nicholas Sparks. Oh, to write alongside the likes of Dana Mallon, Marie Keith, Leslie Morrissette, Michelle Kelley and Marianne Hobart.....would be a pure honor and pleasure.

All of these writers can spin a tale and weave stories leaving their readers spellbound. They write long and intricate stories. Stories that leave me hanging on the edge of my seat or crying in my favorite chair.

Me?

An attention deficit mom/trainer (squirrel) who can only write about 2-3 pages before the idea goes Ka-put.

A person who feels everything when they write.......and when the idea loses steam, so do they?

Me? Writing alongside them?

But, this woman obviously thinks so.....
…............................................................. and now...

…................................................................................SO DO I.

What is my objective in writing?

To write the simple things in my mind. To write about ideas that I feel passionate about. To write about things that seem so obvious to me. To write to entertain myself. To give myself energy through laughter.

I write about my epiphanies that make me happy. I write to focus and to share my views with the hope that they might make someone smile or find an answer or see things in a different light-heartedness.

Now, somebody else sees my objective. They are encouraging me to continue to entertain others and help others entertain new ideas through writing.

Encouragement: It is important to say positive things to people . Something good that you see in them. You never know where it might lead or in what way their lives might change when you utter encouraging words to them.

Thank you, Karol, for believing in me.

You changed my view of myself....

….................changed my view for the better.

..........................You gave me the gift of encouragement.


***see zebras posting, August 2010.

Zebras

Advice to medical students: When you hear hoof beats...... .think horses......not zebras.

Ladies and Gentlemen, We Have A Zebra!

Per Wikipedia, “Zebra is a medical slang term [coined by Dr Theodore Woodward] for a surprising diagnosis. Although rare diseases are, in general, surprising when they are encountered, other diseases can be surprising in a particular person and time, and so "zebra" is the broader concept.”

My life is full of zebras.

I just received information from a client that she felt bloated on my recommended non-inflammatory diet. This diet was recommended by my coaching mentor so I posted the question of bloat on the business forum.

Energetic, smart, and professional, my mentor responded immediately. She took a lot of time and thought to write out what she thought could be the cause of my client's bloat.

What caught my attention wasn't so much what she thought the problem might be as the premise under which she made the suggestion to help my client.

Her recommendations were based on the premise that 90% of clients will respond positively to the recommended nutritional fat loss protocol and 10% are outside of this protocol. Of those 10% an even smaller group could be...[insert very educational but unimportant to the average reader prognosis].

Bam!

And then it hit me.

This client is a zebra. COOL.

Most of my friends and clients are zebras.

Wikipedia declares that the name "zebra" comes from the Old Portuguese word zevra which means "wild ass". Hmmm...I am wiling to venture that most (if not all) of my very close friends are wild asses.

Zebra is prounouced “Zee-Bra” and could be used as follows: A french person would say-Please pass zee bra, I am not perky today.

Back on task....back on task....back on task.....

I seem to be a magnet for this type of person.

I spread my own zebra energy out there and the law of attraction brings them right back to me.

I have the priviledge and honor to know this minority of the population.

They are the rare and unique pearls in the ocean of humanity.

However, being a landlubber, I will go back to using a more terra firma theme to describe what these equids mean to me.

When others meet my friends they probably ask themselves, “Huh. Is this a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes?”

I have an answer for those people. My friends are neither black or white. These friends are are more like Yipes.

'Memba him?

That's right he's the Fruit Stripes mascot.


When I meet a new friend or client, I say to myself, “Hello new friend. Are you a wild cherry, lemon, lime, or orange stick? "

If they gallop away in fear, they are a horse.

If they stay because they are intrigued they are a zebra.

Life is never boring when you look at people that you meet through fruit stripes glasses.

My friends and clients do not meet convention. They are ethereal. They enhance my life.

To this day when I see that gum pack in the store I begin to salivate in excess of Pavlov's dogs.

Although fruit stripes is not a long lasting flavor gum, to me, the flavor of my friends and who they are last a long, long, long time. It is because of them and their lingering personalities that I am the (fantastic) person that I am. Everyone of them has enhanced my life in some way. This occurs every time I meet them, talk to them or email them.

I would actually suggest this one step further....

I don't have friends that are zebras.....they are better than that.

My friends and the clients that I attract are the unicorns of the universe. They are the the rarest of the rare. They are so unique and wonderful.

Advice to Non-Medical Personnel ISO friends: When you hear hoof beats, look for the zebra....

(added bonus zebra's have mohawks and you can't get much cooler than that!!!)

To Motivate (Part 2)

Perhaps , I can motivate you to empower yourself to live a healthy life.

Perhaps, I can convince you that proper nutrition and exercise are the choices you can and should make to make your life richer and better.

Perhaps I can do this without sounding preachy, peachy or over the top perky.

What we eat is probably the one thing in our crazy hectic life we can control. Yet, it is the one thing that we often feel the least amount of control over.

To better help you, here is what I can tell you about nutrition and exercise:

Food is fuel for your body. Nothing more. Fuel to sleep, sit, drive, digest, do laundry. Fuel to live your life normally. It is not about calming nerves, feeling loved, or creating happiness.

Exercise is what your body needs to remain young. I am not just talking about Ponce de Leon's vision of youth (though, exercise will actually make you look younger too). What I am saying is that you need to build/regain/maintain strength just to do ordinary things. As we age, our bodies break down and we need strength exercises more than ever just to maintain the quality of life we had in our 20's, 30's, 40's, 60's (name your decade) and beyond. Many 50, 60, 70 + year old's cannot even do their own laundry because they can't bend over and pick up the dirty clothes in their hamper.

15 years ago people “hit the gym” to supplement their lifestyle of exercise.

Back then, people mowed their own lawns, cleaned their own homes, played sports. Often in those days, commutes were not as long, so people didn't spend hours in the car driving to work or shuffling kids around. They didn't sit all day in front of a computer. They simply moved more.

At that time, those gym goers were the buff men or aerobic queens. Those gym goers were intimidating to many people who thought “oh, no, I can't sweat to the oldies” or “keep up with Ms. Fonda” or look like “Ahhh-nold”.

Guess What? The gym is not filled with those people anymore. Filled....filled....filled. Those gym goers are still around, but they are not the majority of gym goers that I see.

Today's gym is filled with more varieties of people than Heinz 57.

I am going to tell you the types of people that I see in gyms every day. It may sound like I am criticizing these people. But, I am not. I am applauding them and pointing them out to you so that YOU have a level of comfort stepping into a gym.

The people that I see filling the gym are the average Joe's and Josephina's. They are people with more than 15 lbs to lose. Many times, much more weight than that. Most of that excess weight is fat.

Average gym goers now are upper crossed and overweight.

I am not talking about a Catholic OCD sign of the cross here. This means that their shoulders are rounded inward. (HMMM...could this be from driving, computering, sitting all day?).

Average gym goers have glute amnesia.

I am not referring to “where the hell is my ass.....I haven't seen it all day”. ******** I am referring to the fact that they sit most of the day all the while tightening their hip flexors and stretching their glute muscles. Because of this, many people have no idea how to fire their backsides.....********

But, they are there, trying to get their lives back. Taking control of their bodies day by day. Oh, dear Lord, three things they weigh, way, whey. They weigh their bodies, they way their lifestyles and they eat whey to supplement muscle growth.

Weigh. What woman doesn't do this at least at some point in their lives? Men too. The scale can be a nightmare. A wake up call from that nightmare. OMG-I weigh how much?

Way. If you step back and really look at yourself now, do you like what you see? In what Way can you change your life? By stepping back and talking stock, it probably isn't what you imagined seeing. It is probably distasteful. But, with proper nutrition and movement, you can achieve a lifestyle that is leaps and bounds beyond where you are now. A rich and fulfilling life.

Whey. It isn't just for little miss muffit any more. It is a protein. Average people in the gym are eating it to achieve muscle tone and health. It is a great source of after workout nutrition. Protein (whey and the like) and unprocessed carbs need to be part of your everyday life.

I want YOU to move forward in a healthy lifestyle. I want to teach you how to do this. Nutrition and exercise are the way to get yourself back. Get back to where you once belonged.

You know that “you” are in there. I would like to help to lead you there. I would like to motivate you. I want you to feel comfortable with where you are now and confident to move forward to where you want to be.

I am grown up (okay, no I am not) and am living my dream of helping others reach their potential. How may I help you?

Feel free to fan my new Facebook business page, MuffinToppledtm. I cross-reference this blog on there and fill it with nutrition/exercise/motivation whenever the free-spirit moves me.

**************for more funny stories about backsides and what their potential is, please see my good friend, Leslie Morrisette's two blogs under: Becoming Me, Upside Down.

To Motivate

When I grow up I want to motivate people.

I want people to feel good about themselves.

I want them to want to do the right thing.

Doing the right thing makes people feel good about themselves.

I didn't want to use the same pedestrian word “motivate” repeatedly, so I looked up words that are synonymous with motivate.

One word that instantly leaped out at me was “GOAD”.

Holy Cow.

Is the line that fine between motivating and goading?

For those hating diet and exercise, yes.

In fact, the line probably isn't fine.... it's CAPPED, BOLDED, and ITALISIZED.

People pushed into dieting and exercise are GOADED. I am sure of it.

Working with the idea that all (wo)men are created equally and will work for the better good of themselves, most people eat crap because they want to eat crap.

Processed foods feel comfortable and can make us feel good in the moment. But, oh, the havoc those processed carbs wreak on our body. This has been shown time and time again through much research that is published in many reliable “diet” books.

Unfortunately, we often still make the choice to eat the junque. Yes, "WE" includes me.

Junk food junky. 'Memba that song?

One Mrs. Natural's junque is a junk food junkies treasure. Fritos, Dr. Pepper and an Ole Moon Pie.

It really isn't worth eating that stuff. It is bad for your heart, your brain, your cells.

Yet, people feel goaded when told to stop eating that “fun” stuff.

Further fitness goading includes forcing the goadee to take a trip to the (much despised) gym.

What do some people hate about “The Gym”?

That it is a meat market?
That men (and women) grunt?
That people are healthy and fit?
That there is intimidating scary equipment?

That they feel too "fat" to go?

Perhaps people just don't like to huff and puff even if they are blowing their own house down.

Pushing the body to do as much as it can or even more than we thought that we could. YUK!!

Right?

Nope, wrong!

Eventually, it is Empowering, Emancipating, and Em”body”ing.

This blog will be continued....But Not Today.......

To Be (“fat”), or Not to Be (“fat”), That is the Question

After showing friend my “fat” photos vs. my “skinny” photos I heard the words, “you weren't fat”. She suggested that I be more sensitive to reality.

Crushed I was. (not to be confused with a Yoda saying).

Phoenix I am.

I have risen from the rubble and shaken off the ash.

I have had an epiphany. I would like to share this epiphany with you.

There is a technical definition of obesity. That definition is this: when your BMI is greater than 30, you are obese.

Okay, I was, at my max, 40 lbs overweight. My highest weight was 168 at my 5' 2 and a half “ frame. My BMI was 30.2. That means that I have technically been obese several times in my life. Although most of my life has been spent in the “overweight” or “normal” BMI zone, it is the obesity zone that I am going to hone in on.

I was not a 1x. I was not a 2x. But, I felt like one.

I assure you, people treated me differently. I was never included as part of the “in” crowd. I was fatty fatty two-by-four feeling aw-ful to the core.

Could I have been wrong? Could it be that I treated myself differently?

There are definite physiological health risks associated with obesity. The CDC sites coronary heart disease, type 2 diabetes, cancers (endometrial, breast and colon), hypertension, dyslipidemia, stroke, liver and gallbladder disease, sleep apnea and respiratory problems, osteoarthritis, and gynecological problems as health consequences for the overweight or obese. Now THAT is depressing and eye opening. That isn't the crux of my message.

I think that the psychology behind obesity is really what I am trying to point out. I am not a psychologist, don't have time to play one on t.v. and don't have time to add that to my repertoire of degrees and certifications. However, I am pretty sure that I suffer from dysmorphia. What? Is this in any way related to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Is is contagious? Nope. It simply means that I don't have a “valid” image of my body.

At times, I honestly see myself as a lumbering lard life-form.

Aha! Here comes the epiphany.

Even if you are not “technically obese”, your perception of yourself as a “fat”/obese/overweight/[insert YOUR opinion here] is valid to you. So, regardless of whether I have been 40 or 400 pounds overweight, the feelings that I would have at either weight are the same. In my opinion, a person in either weight category can share the same self image. Well ( sarcastic tone intact) that's just not healthy, is it?

I have often joked, when I have been thin, that deep inside there is a “fat” person trying to escape.

This is true. I will always have a fat complex shackled to me; clamped down with extra spikes. When I looked that reference up I found a treasure trove of symbolism. So rich, in fact, that it is worth going off task here.....

Ball and Chain. Flail. Middle -Ages. Now, what do those things have in common? A Flail is a weapon commonly attributed to the Middle-Ages sometimes referred to as a ball and chain. Here the the connection to my perceived weight image. I personally flail about like an idiot proclaiming, in my middle-age, that my obesity image of myself is like a ball and chain permanently attached to my psyche.
Huh. Huh? Huh!

I am okay with this perception of myself, even when others are not on board.

For me, this perception is the motivator which keeps my weight under control . It motivates me to eat moderately careful and perform specific exercise geared toward a healthy ratio of lean body mass. I do need to keep this self image in check and make sure I don't feel any of these feelings in extreme which could lead to anorexia, bulimia or over-training. For the most part ,this crazy “obesasaurus” self image gives me the constitution to exercise and eat nutritionally.

I should start a club.

The obesasaurus club.

I am sure that a lot of women would join. I am guessing that they would range in size from size 4 (my current size) way up to 1x and beyond. There would be a weighting list because there are too many women out there with this crazy warped self-image.

I do have one final note.

Although converse of a statement is often not true, I believe that the converse here is true.

Physiologically being obese is associated with health risks. That is an undeniable fact .

Psychologically obesity may be real or perceived. If you behold yourself as thin and hot then I stand up and applaud you! I envy you, because, you ARE thin and sexy even if you are technically obese. I strive for your confidence and self-assurance.

Judge as you may. People treat 40 lbs or 400 lbs overweight the same. I feel that people should believe me when I say, I was “fat”.

If you don't feel thin, no matter what your weight, I understand.